'Is Hell Endothermic or Exothermic'

Chemical Engineering Professor John C. Berg at the University of Washington (Seattle) had written a take home exam for his Graduate 526 Thermodynamics students.

It had only one question: “Is Hell endothermic (absorbs heat) or exothermic (gives off heat)? Support your answer with a proof.”

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (generating heat faster than it is lost, resulting in a buildup of heat or conversely generating heat slower than it is lost, resulting in a loss of heat) or some variant.


One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. If we were to postulate that souls exist, then they must assume that they have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So we also need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Eternal damnation tends to be pretty final. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people generally do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that everyone is damned by lack of adherence to one religion or another, and so all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as the mass of souls are added to remain constant. Therefore; we can arrive at only two possible hypotheses:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then the second hypothesis cannot be true, and thus I must conclude that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.

This student received the only "A" given in the class.